Appointments

Frustration = this Momma.

This is a long 'ranting' blog... so bare with me or don't read on!!  Warning has been given!
Today the kiddos and I had a busy morning.  Daddy went out early this morning to help a friend build a fence.  Wish I had him with us today, but he is helping out a friend.  Hopefully the help will be repaid at some point...


The morning started with being woken up early to Bob's alarm.  Today was the only day I could sleep in and I heard the blaring alarm at 6:20.  *sigh*  I tried to go back to sleep, but it didn't work so a little after 7 I got up.  The kiddos woke up around 7:30.  We needed to leave around 8:20 to go off to our first appointment, varnish for RJ's tooth at the dentist.

Well... I found out he has a cavity between and on the back side of his top two front teeth.  First, how do you get a cavity 'between' your teeth?  I thought a cavity was on a tooth?  Whatever.  RJ did pretty well with letting the hygienist put this goey yucky looking stuff on his teeth.  He didn't enjoy it... but he sat still and didn't cry or seal his lips shut.  She said this varnish will hopefully help the cavity stay small.  Guess it is back to Daddy or me brushing his teeth nightly.

For my family... do you remember these faces?  (Megan, you have to remember at least two of these people's names!!)  These are the three I remember from when WE went as kids!!

Then we were off to my eye doctor appointment.  From Lansdale to King of Prussia, there we went!  Long story short... I was supposed to have my eye doctor appointment yesterday, but they called Thursday afternoon trying to move my appointment up from 4pm to 11am.  No.can.do.  That is what I told them! (p.s. they have done this before and I have complied with their request.  Not this time!)  So I had to have my appointment rescheduled to today "any time" is fine they stated.  Wonderful.  I said 10?  They said we will pencil you in at 10:30 but if you get here sooner we can take you sooner.  They are always pretty quick and take you almost immediately so I half-heartedly agreed.  But today = kiddos with me. 

We were a little earlier than 10 so we swung by Nana's old house.  Pretty much looked the same as I remembered it...  Those bushes just love.to.grow!  Below is a picture taken today!  I felt a little devilish... but hey I like remembering fond memories!

Got to the eye doctor and got some measurements done and was shuffled into different rooms.  First they put me in the girl eye doctor's office (as if I was just an easy patient - ha!) then they asked me to head back to the Surgeon's office and he would take a look at me and talk with me.  Awesome.  Let me share that the ONLY time someone usually meets him is five minutes before your surgery... before that you deal with the nice nurses and the two regular eye doctors he has on staff.  Well... here I was again getting 'special' treatment because my eyes did not cooperate, or he messed up... hmmm... 

     

I love being one of the 5% that might not have perfect vision.  I am not blaming anyone, although a certain person I love convinced me it was the BEST thing to do... but big bummer when things don't go as expected.  So... instead of meeting with said (pictured) girl doctor, I meet with pictured male doctor/surgeon.  He did a quick few measurements of my eyes and says... (or something along the lines...) "Well, it looks like we should probably do another procedure.  At this point I would have expected your eyes to have adjusted to closer to 20/20 vision."  He went on saying more things that kind-of went in and out of focus (it didn't help to have Morgan and RJ sitting there... although now I know that HE has a boy who is 5 and a girl who is 3, but besides the point).  I pretty much said that I was disappointed that I would turn out to be one of the low percentage that has trouble... he went on with more medical language, again explaining how I went from nearsightedness to farsightedness and explained again where the light is hitting my eye.  He also reminded me how much better my eyes really were then before.  I WANTED to say, yes... but my brother who has a minimal prescription wears his glasses all the time so it doesn't really matter what the prescription is - it is still not perfect vision which means glasses/contacts. I refrained and kept that thought to myself.

I shared with the surgeon that I really did not want to have another surgery done because summer was coming... and I have been diligent in working out... which means... sweat in eyes, suntan lotion in eyes, and sun, all.the.time.  I also said that I wasn't sure I wanted to go through the surgery with the recovery time and the 2 months of illness I went through due to the steroid eye drops.  He basically told me A. It was absolutely ridiculous to say I wouldn't get another surgery and B. The longer I want to wait for a second surgery the better it would be for my eyes.  My eyes could still change a little bit more...  THEN what made me almost fall off of my chair was... he said he had the same surgery I had about five years ago and one of his eyes did not turn out perfect or better than 20/20.  He said when both his eyes are open he see great because his perfect eye compensates for his other eye... not what I WANT TO HEAR! 

Needless to say... he gave me some information about what I should do for the time being before I get my next procedure... not if I do, but when I do...  Then I was taken to the girl Dr.'s office to talk about my exact vision scores and to provide me with information on where to buy 'cheap' glasses including frames and lenses.  Wonderful, great, blah. 

So... overall I was not happy with the outcome, I was hoping and praying that maybe my eyes would have miraculously made a big jump in correction (even though in my day to day seeing I knew they hadn't).  So... I guess come September I will go back to see where we go from here.  Wonderful, now I will wear glasses.  I haven't worn glasses as my primary vision treatment since middle school!  Now... I don't have to wear them all the time, but he suggests when I think I need them I should wear them.  I am feeling disappointed.  and a little bit depressed... best thing for that?  Food... I don't need to say what I did all afternoon!

Disappointment.

I know that there are many disappointments in life. Ups and downs. Mom has always told me that God gives you only what you can handle. Well, sometimes I feel like I can handle too much and maybe I should start acting like I can't handle as much. This afternoon I had my 4.5 month eye check up in King of Prussia. First off I left school a few minutes early and my Google directions took me the wrong way. So, I got to my appointment 10 minutes late. *sigh* I did get taken right away! Yea! That was a good thing! That is where the good stopped. One of the nurses took me in to look at the eye chart. I kind-of felt like I couldn't see any lines lower than when I had come in January. But, I kept my mouth quiet (the nurse wasn't very personable). She just went along with her job and told me what to do and I did it. After she got all my numbers and measurements written down I was shuffled to the doctors room. (The practice has two eye doctors and one surgeon. You never see the surgeon except on the day of your surgery, UNLESS there is a problem.) The eye doctor did some more measurements and I said to her, "My eyes haven't changed, have they." She said not as they would have hoped and gave me this long explanation of how it takes a good 6 months to heal 100% blah blah blah. I restated, "But since they haven't changed since January, what is the likely hood that they will change now." With that, she was trying REALLY hard not to say what I think is the truth and that they won't change, she continued with her pre-rehearsed statements. "Your eyes were a very strong negative. Your eyes are now in the positive realm which means your eyes have over-corrected themselves. We hope that they will continue to correct themselves back down to 20/20." (She said something along those lines...) "Oh" I said. "SO, you are saying that I am seeing 20/30 right now," again I prodded, "So, my eyes haven't changed so there is a possibility that my eyes aren't going to change and this is what I am stuck with." To that, she finally broke down a little... "Well, it is a possibility that your eyes might not fully correct. 5% of the population do not have 20/20 after their surgery. I can give you your prescription and you can pick up a cheap pair of frames if you think that would help for now." Well, at that I got weepy. I tried, I really tried to stay strong, but I just couldn't. Some tears fell down my cheeks. I was convinced into doing this surgery so that I would not have to wear contacts/glasses for a long time until I needed them for reading. So the thought of going through the *heck* I went through after the surgery to having to wear glasses... I just couldn't help myself. I was so disappointed. (The thoughts, why me? Why am I one of the 5 percent that it doesn't work on? came into my head.) So, she tried to comfort me, but it didn't really help, she told me the truth and I could not handle the truth at that moment. She told me to make an appointment at the end of the month rather than waiting two full months (the normal revisit time) to come back in and get all my measurements again and to meet with the Surgeon in person. She assured me she would talk with the Surgeon about my situation and he would be prepared to discuss my options with me when I returned the end of April. (I never LOST it... well, until I got to my car...). I thanked the doctor because it wasn't her fault the situation was what it was, she was only the deliver of the news. I like the doctor, I really do... but just the disappointment was too much for me to handle! I scheduled my appointment for the end of April. Until then... we wait.

Welcome back glasses. *SIGH*