Disappointment.

I know that there are many disappointments in life. Ups and downs. Mom has always told me that God gives you only what you can handle. Well, sometimes I feel like I can handle too much and maybe I should start acting like I can't handle as much. This afternoon I had my 4.5 month eye check up in King of Prussia. First off I left school a few minutes early and my Google directions took me the wrong way. So, I got to my appointment 10 minutes late. *sigh* I did get taken right away! Yea! That was a good thing! That is where the good stopped. One of the nurses took me in to look at the eye chart. I kind-of felt like I couldn't see any lines lower than when I had come in January. But, I kept my mouth quiet (the nurse wasn't very personable). She just went along with her job and told me what to do and I did it. After she got all my numbers and measurements written down I was shuffled to the doctors room. (The practice has two eye doctors and one surgeon. You never see the surgeon except on the day of your surgery, UNLESS there is a problem.) The eye doctor did some more measurements and I said to her, "My eyes haven't changed, have they." She said not as they would have hoped and gave me this long explanation of how it takes a good 6 months to heal 100% blah blah blah. I restated, "But since they haven't changed since January, what is the likely hood that they will change now." With that, she was trying REALLY hard not to say what I think is the truth and that they won't change, she continued with her pre-rehearsed statements. "Your eyes were a very strong negative. Your eyes are now in the positive realm which means your eyes have over-corrected themselves. We hope that they will continue to correct themselves back down to 20/20." (She said something along those lines...) "Oh" I said. "SO, you are saying that I am seeing 20/30 right now," again I prodded, "So, my eyes haven't changed so there is a possibility that my eyes aren't going to change and this is what I am stuck with." To that, she finally broke down a little... "Well, it is a possibility that your eyes might not fully correct. 5% of the population do not have 20/20 after their surgery. I can give you your prescription and you can pick up a cheap pair of frames if you think that would help for now." Well, at that I got weepy. I tried, I really tried to stay strong, but I just couldn't. Some tears fell down my cheeks. I was convinced into doing this surgery so that I would not have to wear contacts/glasses for a long time until I needed them for reading. So the thought of going through the *heck* I went through after the surgery to having to wear glasses... I just couldn't help myself. I was so disappointed. (The thoughts, why me? Why am I one of the 5 percent that it doesn't work on? came into my head.) So, she tried to comfort me, but it didn't really help, she told me the truth and I could not handle the truth at that moment. She told me to make an appointment at the end of the month rather than waiting two full months (the normal revisit time) to come back in and get all my measurements again and to meet with the Surgeon in person. She assured me she would talk with the Surgeon about my situation and he would be prepared to discuss my options with me when I returned the end of April. (I never LOST it... well, until I got to my car...). I thanked the doctor because it wasn't her fault the situation was what it was, she was only the deliver of the news. I like the doctor, I really do... but just the disappointment was too much for me to handle! I scheduled my appointment for the end of April. Until then... we wait.

Welcome back glasses. *SIGH*