I am still a mess today, but need to get down these thoughts while they are still fresh in my head.
So, yesterday, Bob and I got to the hospital before 9am. Mom was still not doing well. She didn't look great, her stats were no better than evening before and I was beginning to feel sick. We sat and held her hand. We prayed, asked why, and just stayed with her. We knew even though her body was breaking down, she could feel us there. We know she loved us so much! We knew she was fighting as hard as she could. She was trying, but her body just wasn't responding.
The dialysis doctor came in and after looking at all Mom's stats shared he was not going to be able to provide dialysis as he felt her blood pressure was still way too low and attempting dialysis could put her body into shock immediately and in essence 'kill' her on the spot. However, he made it pretty clear her time was limited... meaning, he said we would be lucky to have a maximum of 3 days left with her. Oh my goodness! This was around 10:00 am.
Soon after I got in touch with Pastor Bob and Aunt Virginia. They needed to know that things were not getting better, in fact, much worse. Bob was keeping it together, but I know he was probably in shock! I was holding it together because I needed to be the support system for him and his father.
We sat with Mom, held her hand, prayed with her. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Pastor Bob and Aunt Virginia both arrived around lunchtime.
Soon after they arrived it was shared that she officially wasn't going to make it through the day. When certain medicines that were being provided ran out they were not going to add more. We sat with her. I don't even have the words for how we all felt. Devistated? Destroyed? Denial? Shock? Confused? The list could continue...
Around 3pm, with us all at her side and pictures of Morgan and RJ laying next to her head she passed away peacefully. I keep trying to tell myself, it is for the best. She is no longer in pain. She is free... the fly with the birds and to watch over us. But, I think I, myself am still in shock. So much is going to change now. I can't even think about it.
You are already SOOOOOOOO missed!
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