In our hearts forever.

**This post is going to be emotional and long**

Dear Lacey,
From the second we saw you and picked you out of your litter I fell in love with you.  We first met you in February right after you were born!!  Two days after you were born!!  There wasn't much to you but a little pile of fur with a neat zigzag line of white slipping down the middle of your little brown back.  We picked you out immediately and you soon would be ours!  We came and visited you every weekend and then it was finally time to bring OUR Lacey home!  You were the cutest.puppy.ever!  Lady Lacey Lee of Glen Eagles was your official name... but just Lacey to all of us!  Everyone that met you fell in love!  Full of energy and willing to learn what we taught you.  You didn't need puppy training school and before we knew it you were quickly potty trained.  We taught you how to ring a bell with your nose when you needed to go out!  How cool were you?!?  You would bang the bell and sure enough you needed to go!  (Although, sometimes silly girl you just wanted to go outside and play!)  As you grew I also taught you many other tricks including sit, lay, play dead, roll over, sit pretty, and point.  You learned what the word heel meant too when we were taking walks.  You were so smart.  Maybe I was just being THAT mom, but I really KNEW you were the best dog around!!  You kept me company on all of those lonely nights when your Daddy went through his long weeks with work all day and academy at night.  You were there for me.  You loved me no matter if I was happy or sad.  You just loved me because you did.  You were a great companion and that saying Dog is man's best friend quickly turned into Dog is girl's best friend!  You were the reason I made it through those long months!!  On a leash you did like to pull a little bit, so we bought you a gentle leader and that seemed to do the trick.  You could walk with me or run with me depending on my mood.  You LOVED people.  You always wanted to go say hello to our neighbors and you absolutely loved kissing to death the kiddos that came around.  You were such a lovable puppy!

When we brought Nickel into your life, you weren't jealous and you welcomed that boy into our family with playful pounces and joy.  You really enjoyed having a playmate of the four legged type!
 
Daddy decided we wanted to breed you because you were so amazing.  You did great through your pregnancy and you were an amazing Momma to your 7 puppies!  I was there with you during the whole delivery and you somehow knew just what to do!  I helped you out just a little, but all of your 7 puppies lived and have now grown up to be amazing dogs to their new owners!  You have gotten to see a couple of your pups occasionally, and you have gotten to spend plenty of time with Carleigh.  I think sometimes you were jealous of her...

Lacey, you LOVE to play.  You just love to play.  Tug of war or fetch... your energy is amazing!

Then Morgan was born.  You were an AMAZING big sister to her!!!  You wanted to lick her up and down... when Morgan was still small you always wanted to check on her to make sure she was ok.  More times that I can count I would come in to see you inches away from her face just staring at her.  Other times I would enter the room and you would be laying down right next to her keeping guard.  You loved that little baby.  As Morgan got a little bit older you were sooo good to her.  You let Morgan lay on you, pull your tail, and grab your tail and fur.  You put up with a lot of her nonsense!  What a good puppy you were to her!  You were again amazing around RJ!  You let him come into our family and loved him just as much as one of your own pups!  And even recently you let them pretend you were a horse and gave them horse back rides.  You were so sweet with them!  They both love you so very very much!!! 

But then Lacey, something changed.  I am not sure if it was triggered by changing hormones in your pregnancy or if it was something that would have happened either way.  You got a slightly mean streak.  It only occurred over food, but you scared me.  The first time it happened I did NOT know what was going on.  I must have been upstairs or attending to Morgan and I came into the foyer seeing you digging into the diaper bag eating something.  As usual if that happened I came over to you and pulled you away saying 'no.'  You turned at me snarled and attacked.  You bit me hard enough and deep enough that I got a tetanus shot just in case.  I was in complete baffled shock when you did that!  After you bit, you immediately laid down belly up next to me and pawed at me to rub you.  You instantly appeared to know you did something wrong.  But... then why did you do it?  From that time on you did not like to be told 'no' in a stern voice whenever it had to do with food.  And you started to become a scavenger.  Whenever you got the chance you searched for food.  We always fed you good so I am not sure why you felt this urge to always want to eat people food.  I don't know if it was our fault because during your pregnancy we let you eat whatever.you.wanted - whenever.you.wanted?!  I just don't know. 

When food was not involved you never got attitude.  You were calm, cool, and collected.  You just loved being with people!  You off and on gave a little bit of trouble going into your cage, your 'home' at night which was strange because that had been your 'safe haven' since you were a pup.  You dealt with two moves and new environments.  You managed.  When we moved into our home which would be your (and our) final destination we immediately bought you and Nickel an invisible fence.  You loved, LOVED the ability to be outside all the time and to run around and roam the yard.  You always loved being outside and you just loved the opportunity to see what was happening around you.  You loved greeting the neighbors and getting a pet from anyone anytime!!

So... Lacey... throughout your life you were an amazing, lovable, adorable, perfect dog 95% of the time.  That other 5% is the part that scared your Daddy and I.  It is one thing to attack us, it is another if you tried to attack Morgan or RJ or another child.  Then it happened... you got in the house and Morgan tried to direct you away from food and you snarled and really scared her.  We took you to a VERY expensive Animal Behavior Therapist and that therapist suggested that you wear a muzzle anytime you were around people.  Daddy and I just couldn't handle the thought of that... and we knew you were too smart to fall for that for long... you would stop letting us get near your mouth and we didn't want you to get annoyed/growl/snap ANYTIME someone came close to your mouth.  SO, we just became extra careful and told Morgan and RJ not to yell at you.  We did not want you to have an excuse to be mean to Morgan and RJ so it was better if they just never said 'no' to you. 

Lacey, that brings us to now.  On Sunday while we were away at the baseball game we left you and Nickel outside in the beautiful sunshine.  You were able to enjoy the beautiful sunny day.  I really hope you loved the warm sun on your back, and the feel of the grass under your soft fur.  The smell of the wind on your nose and the sound of birds chirping throughout the neighborhood.  I know those are all things that you loved. What a wonderful beautiful day God made for you... for your last...

Today.  Today was the worst day I think I have ever experienced.  We got a message from a neighbor that you attacked their daughter.  They said you jumped at her and she had a scratch on her arm.  Daddy and I don't know if it was a playful pounce or an angry attack for being on our property.  The girl or her family don't know if it was your claw that got her or your mouth.  But Daddy decided that this couldn't happen again and decided that we needed to put you to sleep.  I have been a mess all day.  I can't believe this is happening.  I couldn't focus at school and I was and still am a complete and utter wreck.  I can't believe it is coming to this.  I feel like the most horrible person in the whole wide word.  How can I even think about killing a member of my family.  I need to kill my first baby.  My love, the one most devoted to me no matter how I was feeling.  But Lacey, we need to keep our children and our neighbors safe.  I can't keep you locked up because that is not fair to you and I don't want to take the chance that you may really hurt someone.  Oh baby, I love you so much and this decision is so hard to do.  You have attacked me and injured me three times and snarled and lounged at several other adults giving them slight scratches or punctures.  THIS can't happen to a child.  What if you bite them in the face or bite a finger off.  I can't take that risk baby girl.  I love you so much and as I have said this is the hardest decision and the worst feeling I have ever had.  You are physically healthy, but something is mentally not right.  I did everything I could to make you snap out of this food addiction you acquired, but nothing I did seemed to work.  Now when this 'attack' was reported to us and food was not involved I just can't let it happen again.

We took you to the vet.  The doctor said it would be painless and the most painful for us.  Oh my gosh... as I sat in the doctor's office I couldn't believe I was doing this.  I was killing you.  You were so excited to take a ride in the car with Daddy.  You were so excited to see me and anxious to enter the vet.  You didn't know what we were planning.  You didn't know that you would never breathe fresh air again.  I did.  I knew what I was doing to you.  I almost wanted to just let you off your leash and tell you to run... run free like the wind and never look back.  My heart ached and was breaking in half.  I really wish there was another choice... I wish I could go back and have spade you immediately not allowing you to have a litter.  I blame myself.  I sat there upset and distraught. Anger also raged through me.  Angry that there are seven other families in this world that now have a piece of you and I was about to have none of you.  I felt like I was betraying you.  I am not sure if I will ever be able to forgive myself for what I did to you.  I love you so much.  You loved me so much and I was going to kill you.  Death... killed... all my fault.  It is my fault.  I said do it.  The doctor took you out of the room to put a catheter in you.  You went freely, wagging your tail happy for the attention.  Heck... you love people!  You always have and you were excited for the attention!  He brought you back in and had given you some 'loopy' medicine.  You came right back over to Daddy and I and you kissed my face for the last time.  The last time I will get any love from you.  The last time you will kiss a tear away.  The last time you will paw me for a rub.  The last time.  The last time I will ever see you.  You started getting loopy and weren't really able to stand.  We laid you down on a blanket and the doctor said it was time.  I rubbed you and held you as the doctor put in the first of three injections into you.  He explained the first one would put you into a coma like state and the second two was the medicine.  I pet you, I rubbed you, I cried.  I cried a lot.  I felt so guilty.  My best friend who loved me no matter what.  I was betraying you.  You have never betrayed me, and I was betraying you.  As the doctor put that first dose in you, your breathing slowed down and you looked zoned out.  Just a minute or two later he started the medication.  Two viles... he listened for a heart beat.  You were gone.  Gone... you went to the great dog Heaven.  I cried.  I cried a lot.  I laid with your limp body as guilt swept through my body.  The realization of what I had done sunk in.  You weren't going to wake up from a nap.  You were not coming home.  You were gone.  I had caused this.  I am not sure how I am going to ever get over this.  You are now in heaven with Polar Bear and Noel.  You are able to run in the rolling meadows and chase cats and birds and squirrels all you want!  No one is gong to tell you to stop barking and you can eat whatever you want, whenever you want.  I hope you are happy and I hope you love your new life.  I am devastated.  The house is so empty without you.  Your wagging tail is no longer... Your slobbery kisses I will never get again.... Oh my gosh, Lacey Lee... I will never forget you and will have a cloud of guilt over this for the rest of my life. 

I love you Lacey, please know I will always love you.  I feel like this is a dream and I will still wake up from it.  I love you.  I don't know what more to say except that I pray that will forgive me.  I really hope you will forgive me one day for what I have done.  I love you. 

Love,
Mom

and p.s.... of course I can't find any puppy picture to post of you... of course....

I can't say goodbye... just so long for now, until we meet again.