Wow.

Wow is all I can say right now. I didn't realize I was such a bad friend! Or at least that is how I am feeling right now!

I feel like I am a very caring, go-out-of-my-way, expect to visit with good friends often type of friend. I feel like I don't have a lot of very close friends, but instead many 'adult relationships.' To me my closest friends I could tell anything to! The adult relationships and friendships are compiled of many many 'friends' that I talk to once in a while, that I see every few months (or longer) and are part of my networking. These people I often refer to as 'friends' but don't know the most recent information about anything in my life, as I don't about theirs. Does that make sense... I might be rambling, and if so please accept my apology, but I just need to get all these feelings written down so I feel better!

As I have gotten older, my 'close friend' group has gotten very small and not including people related to me (AKA Bob, Megan) I HAD 3 very close friends. Now, I have 2.

I became friends with a certain friend 5 years ago! It was perfect!! I felt it was a friendship sent and made by God. She was preggo with her first, I was preggo with my first. We met while taking a swimming class where I had hoped to meet someone. She had just moved back to the area and didn't have too many connections. We clicked. After having our girls one week apart we spent 2-4 days a week walking at the King of Prussia mall while we were both on maternity leave. It was great! We only lived 15 minutes apart and spent lots of time together and began a wonderful, close relationship! Our relationship continued to stay strong, visiting one another often, sharing New Year's Eve together every year, sharing the births of our second two, allowing her family to stay at Nana's house for basically no rent for many months, and the list of things goes on.

Then we both moved. I moved to Quakertown, and soon after living in Nana's house she moved to King of Prussia. When I moved I remember her telling me, "Please don't replace me with anyone from your neighborhood." She also commented along the lines of, "We can make our friendship last, my mom did with her girlfriend. They visited one Sunday a month and are still close to this day!"

I worked HARD to keep our lines of communication open. I constantly called, I emailed, we planned our visits for months in advance.

But it just seemed hard.

I was told that I rambled too much on my voice messages when I would call and NEVER get to talk in person to the friend.

I was also told said friend did not like talking on the phone.

Said friend's family gets sick a lot, therefore has to cancel many dates that were pre-scheduled, but was unable to set another date because their calendar was booked.

I started missing my friend, and voiced my feelings of disappointment that we were unable to visit as often as I wanted to in early September. Yes, that I wanted to! Morgan LOVES said friend's daughter and not only calls her her best friend, but ALWAYS asks when she can see her again!

I sent that email to said friend because I had not heard from her the entire month of August. She said she would come to the beach and visit for the Friday we were there, then never called, and never showed up. I talked to her about this plan the last week of July and the plan was set. Did not happen.

When she responded to my email in September she was able to possibly see us on the last Sunday in September, and then not until the second week of December. DECEMBER!!

She was unable to attend any of the kiddo's parties. It hurt she could not make one of the parties?! 4 parties to pick from, and her family could not make ANY? Really?! Last year when I was unable to make her daughter's party Pop Pop took my kiddos to Chuck-E Cheese. Couldn't she have arranged something? (NOPE...Her response... "I would never ask anyone to do something like that. It would not have been a big deal if your kids couldn't make it.")

Needless to say I have said that I feel hurt. I am disappointed! I feel that our relationship is growing apart and it hurts.... I always voice my opinion... and my feelings are very hurt. I try to never accuse, just voice my feelings starting all my sentences with I feel...

Last weekend I found out she changed her daughter's birthday party (which I already bought presents for) from a Saturday morning party to a Sunday morning party. Really? She KNOWS we have church!! Couldn't she have made it an early afternoon party instead of morning? At that point I asked if there were ANY Fridays they had free that we could come and visit them.

I got an email this morning (over a week later) basically saying no, they are busy on all Friday nights, and all weeknights because she has Yoga and is taking Ballet class. To put icing on the cake she told me that she 'had' to break our New Year's Eve tradition and was unable to celebrate with us this year. (Side note... Bob took off that night to spend the night with good friends!!!)

I yet again wrote back and said how I felt... I was upset, and hurt that she couldn't have given us more notice about New Year's! It not only ruins my plans, Bob specifically took this day off to be with them to celebrate! His personal days are sacred and could have been used for a different day!! I asked her to call me so we could talk about what is happening to our relationship.

She called tonight. I was told tonight that I request too much of my friends and that she and I are just too different. We are not compatible to keep a friendship going, and she doesn't want me to change, and she will not change for me. She said when I tell her I am feeling upset or hurt that it makes her feel bad, and that is just her personality. When I explained I viewed her as a close friend she said she viewed me as another 'adult relationship.' WOW. If I KNEW that I would never have used the endearing titles of Aunt/Uncle I would have used Mr./Ms.. Why would she say Love you, and you are one of my best friends if I am just another adult relationship? Again I say WOW!

I never knew that caring, and being hurt when I don't get to see OR talk to a friend for months at a time was a bad friendship quality to have!! Our conversation ended with her saying, I don't want to hurt you, but this friendship needs to end. We need to end our friendship. At which my tears ran, and my mouth dropped open. I was in shock!!! I asked her what I am supposed to tell my kids?! Especially Morgan. She said you are a good mom, you will tell her the right thing. WOW. Two minutes later, she said I have to go and hung up.

So... done... over... No Longer Friends.

Now... do I send the gift for her daughter or do I keep the stuff for Morgan?

Do I take her and her parents off my xmas card list, or do I leave them on? (Why would she care about what is going on with my life?)

What do I tell Morgan?

How can I still keep them in the prayers we say, but how can I take them out without Morgan asking why?

I think my mouth is still hanging open.

What do I tell Morgan!

I can't believe this is how I was treated AGAIN!!

I just never realized caring and being a demanding friend to share time with me was a bad quality.

After all that (and lots more that I didn't include because it was too much) I am speechless and dumbfounded!

Thank you to my remaining friends for being there for me! Please let me know if I demand too much of you before it is too late so I don't lose you too!