Sadness

Written Wed early AM...

I will update the rest of the past week at the beach soon, but today I have to blog about my sadness. If you are not a pet owner you will not understand my sadness. I love my animals almost as much as I love my human family members. (As I sit here tears are dripping down my face). I was raised always having a pet! We had Patches (dog), Noel (dog-still alive!), Smokey (cat) and Snoozy (cat) through my growing up years. It was hard loosing each animal as their time came naturally. This.What I have to do feels ten times harder than ever.

Today will be a very hard day. It was extremely hard when I had to give my cats up for adoption over 3 years ago because they became too jealous of Morgan and began naughty behaviors... but today... today will be worse! Trax and Sox I had for 4 years, Lacey I have had for 6 and a half years. I raised her! Starting from picking her out 2 days after she was born! She was MY dog! I got her when Bob was working full time and going through the Police Academy. I potty trained her, I taught her tricks, I even taught her to ring a bell when she had to go out! She was an amazing puppy and companion! She was always full of excitement and energy and just a big love bug!!

In 2006 after struggling with the decision Bob and I decided to breed her. She had a litter of 7 puppies. We timed it perfectly and I was home in the summer to care for her and her pups twenty four seven. I was the second mother and did everything for Lacey and her puppies! Our buyers still rave about how calm and wonderful their pups are! (I even got a letter last week that asked if I was going to be breeding again b/c she and all her friends would gobble up the whole littler!). Now, looking back that breeding may have been a mistake. Bob and I spoiled Lacey during her pregnancy. We allowed her to eat people food, and she got lots of extra treats, hey- she WAS eating for 8!! Then she began to expect the attention all the time.

A few months after the puppies were given to their homes Lacey wanted food I had in a bag (that I had by accident left on the floor). I told her a firm NO and took the bag out of her mouth. (Before breeding she would have easily let me do this!!) She looked at me with the look of death, barred her teeth and lounged at me! She broke skin and went so deep into my finger I felt I had to go to the doctor and get a tetanus shot. I blamed myself. Guess I should not have went for something in her mouth. Throughout the next months she would give attitude, but never actually broke skin again. She would bare her teeth at Bob or me and growl with that scary look of death in her eye but she did not physically attack us. We also let her have her way A LOT more. We did not force her to go in her cage if she didn't want to (something she loved!! Crating was the way she was raised from a pup and was NEVER a problem before!!!!), if she got into something... we just let her, and we walked on egg shells around her!

After we moved into our new home we only let the dogs in occasionally. Because we don't have good or much grass it was very dirty. We also spent a ton of time outside with the dogs so they got plenty of attention!! When the dogs got into the house accidentally of course the first thing Lacey always did was search for food bits! With two small kiddos there are ALWAYS crumbs everywhere!! We would keep our distance and say no in a happy sweet-toned pitch... b/c we knew if we changed the tone she MAY get angry at us!

It was like that for many many months. About 4 or 5 months ago I went downstairs to the basement (where the dogs have water, food, and a comfy couch) to let the dogs out and kind of gave Lacey a love tap (nothing hard) on her rump to stop gulping water and she turned around and bit a hole in my upper thigh. I was shocked.overwhelmed.in utter disbelief! Again, I guess I should never have touched her, but I was in a bit of a rush to go somewhere and needed her outside! She didn't come out when I called her out so my next thought was to give her a little tap to get her back into my world!! I guess I made a wrong choice!!

So, brings us to today. Last night Bob and I went to the ball game and Aunt Melanie was here to watch Morgan and RJ for us. When we got home there was a note left that stated, "Please watch Lacey around Morgan tomorrow! Long story, but Lacey tried to bite Morgan and I got her out of the way in time, but Lacey gave me a nice gash instead. Morgan was scared, but okay." I love Lacey with all my heart, but I love my kids more! I can not have the scare that Lacey may bite one of my children... if she bites me in the leg that is their face or neck level. I am SO distraught right now. I love Lacey to pieces but I love my children and their safety is extremely important.

I found out this morning that Lacey snuck in last night and was sniffing around the playroom for food. Morgan came over to her to try and grab her and point her back towards the door. I'm sure Morgan was telling her outside or something to that measure because she sees and hears us tell her that. Lacey turned around barring her teeth and just as Aunt Melanie wrapped her hands around Morgan's hands Lacey lounged and gashed her finger. If Melanie was there to protect Morgan Lacey could have done extreme damage to my precious sweet little girl. This is such a sad time for me!! I can't help but be a complete and utter wreck. The tears won't stop falling, the "If we had only done this and that" going through my head, the why did I leave the kids home with the dogs (although rationally I know Melanie is perfectly capable)...

I just can't believe I have made the appointment at the vet to put my first beautiful baby to sleep.... forever.and.ever. and to never see her wagging tail again, never to get her loving kisses. THIS is the hardest day of my life so far.

Dear Lacey, why do you get nasty? Why? Do you have something wrong chemically in your brain? I have tried to work with you and keep everyone safe and happy. But this is not acceptable. This is the hardest day of my life. I love you so much Lacey, I really do. I just can't believe I have to do this. This is what Love is.

Maybe the vet will tell differently, that there is something we can do, but I doubt it. YOU made the choice to bite. YOU went after Morgan, a little child that has such a minimal defense mechanism. Morgan, who loves you unconditionally. Morgan who named her dog stuffed animal after you. Morgan, who all she wants to do is love you and be loved. Why Lacey, why did not go after her? Later in the day... LACEY and I returned from the vet. Long visit compiled. If we put her down within ten days of the bite there would be more fees to test her for rabies and the state would have to get involved. It is a State Law. (I know she doesn't have rabies, she gets her booster, but it is law for all bites.) I didn't want to deal with that. The vet suggested one behavior therapist out of the valley forge area that he recommended. I have decided to try her and see what she has to say... but it is VERY expensive. We will see how the first appointment goes!